I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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