the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
