u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
