HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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