that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Two words: blizzard sex
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
