Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
