Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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