he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
