my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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