Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
