apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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