corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
