also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
