Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
