Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
