...so i touched it.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
