i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
