can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
