I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
