pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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