if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
