what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
