Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
