i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
