1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
