I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
