The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
