He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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