forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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