Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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