SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
