Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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