New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
