I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
