After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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