his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
