my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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