her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
