i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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