the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
