I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
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