i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
