Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
