so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
