If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
