You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
