dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
