you lied. pity sex is amazing.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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