How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
