East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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