Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
