Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
