So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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