every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
