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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  My vagina just recognized that song.

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• (718): View more from New York

  He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.

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• (310): View more from California

  She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me

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• (801): View more from Utah

  Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.

  (801): View more from Utah

  International sake day = success

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• (+32): View more from Belgium

  You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over

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• (705): View more from Ontario

  I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.

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• (229): View more from Georgia

  i've got three words. i. was. spanked.

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.

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